Varia Cafe
by Alice39
Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat.
1. Dish 1: Welcome To Varia Cafe!

This first chapter is dedicated to Jazebeth. Happy birthday!

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat. CRACK.

A beautiful café in one of the most vacant place in Italy.

A place where assassins take a side job just to earn easy money.

This is…

Varia Café!

"Enough with the silly introductions," A girl with flowing red hair and matching red eyes said with a dismissive wave of her hands. She gave a smile as she said, "Ara. I forgot to introduce myself."

She bows as she introduces herself, "I am Alice, the owner of this café. This café may be weird and my staff may psychotic and hardheaded assassins but please help yourself."

"Roll call then, I guess?"

For some reason a spotlight heads on Squalo who was wearing a butler costume and her voice resounds in the whole café, "This is Squalo-san. He may be a bit too loud for your ears but I assure everyone that he is quite the efficient employee."

"VOII! THE COSTUMERS ARE WEIRD!"

The spotlight moves and spots Lussuria who was wearing a maid costume, "This is Lussuria-nee. He is actually a she but don't mind the minor details. He's weird but every girl is safe with him or her or… whatever."

"Hello there~ Luss-nee is here~"

The spotlight changes once again and it found itself on the little Arcobaleno who was wearing a butler costume as well, "This here is Mammon-kun. He may look cute and he may be cheeky but give him money and rest assured, he will give you top-quality service."

"Yare, yare. Just give the check."

The spotlight turns and it found itself on a certain prince who was also wearing the butler costume at the moment, "This is Bel-kun. He looks princely but he is actually quite sadistic. A lot of customers tend to flock to him so I avoid some of his less-than-pleasant tendencies."

"Shishishi~"

The spotlight turned left and right before it spotted Fran who was seating on the counter, wearing the same butler costume, "This is Fran-kun. He's blunt and sarcastic but he's the sanest among all of them… Probably."

"Hello customer."

The spotlight returns to Alice before she winked and said, "Boss-san works here too… sometimes. So drop by everyday and take a look at our menu~"

Omake:

"Why? Why? Why?" A depressed Levi wearing a butler costume cried on his knees, "Why wasn't I introduced?"

"Ara?" Alice tilted her head to the side, "Did I forget someone?

A/N: This is a short prologue. Please read, subscribe and review guys. I wrote this because I got inspired by Madame Kri's fics. :D

Who do you want to serve you? Review if you want your favorite Varia character to serve you on the next chapter~


	2. Dish 2: Fran, diets and blunt comments

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat. CRACK.

* * *

"Welcome to Varia Café." Fran monotonously greeted the girls that have entered the shop or café with a blank look on his face. He was wearing his butler costume.

"A-ano," A girl with blonde hair looked at him with a blush coloring her cheeks. She looked at him with a shy smile as she asked, "Can you take us to our seats?"

"Y-yeah." The other one who was a brunette nodded her head in agreement, a blush coloring her cheeks as well.

Fran stared at them for a while before he bowed and monotonously said, "If that is our mistresses' wish, then it should be my command."

The two blushed a deep red as they followed Fran to a seat which was covered in cute pinkish table and chair set. Fran made another pause before he took out two girly-looking menus from somewhere and handed it to the two girls, "This is our menu, mistresses."

"A-ah." The two nodded and they looked at the menu for a while, hiding their blushes with the menus.

Fran nodded and stood there as the two went and check out the menus. He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After a while, Fran cleared his throat and looked at the two. Trying his hardest not to look irritated he gave them a blank smile as he offered, "Should I help the two mistresses?"

They gave a unified shake of their head and Fran sighed.

* * *

After a while, the redhead turned to Fran and asked, "What do you think about the Nutella and Whipped Cream Strawberry Crepe?"

"Nutella?" Fran gave a delighted sigh as he said, "It is one of the best-sellers here in our café. The mixture of Nutella and whipped cream is pure heaven, add to it the delicious strawberries, it makes a pretty awesome crepe."

"Really?" The girl asked with sparkling eyes. She asked, "Do you think I should buy a jumbo size?"

Fran paused as he contemplated, "If you are interested in eating the ones in the jumbo size, you should be prepared to diet if you are trying to keep your figure or else you can bloat and be fat."

The redhead gaped with shock and she just gave a strained smile as she said, "Never mind, then."

"Ne, waiter-san," The brunette turned and gave Fran a sweet smile as she asked, "Do you think that I should have a Red Velvet with Crushed Almonds and Choco Sprinkles?"

Fran looked at her before he bluntly comments, "If you are also willing to go on a diet for a short period of time, feel free."

The brunette's eyes widened in surprise and she just gave him a small and strained smile as she muttered, "I'll just look for another one, then."

Fran nodded with an emotionless expression and silence took over the table.

"Can you excuse us for a while?" Alice appeared with a bright smile on her face as she tugs at Fran's sleeves. The two girls who aren't still over their shock only nodded mutely in agreement. Alice bowed before she took off with Fran as she said, "Thank you."

* * *

As soon as they were in the staff's area the smile on Alice face turned 180 degrees into a frown. She gritted her teeth as she asked Fran, "What. The. Actual. Hell. Were. You. Doing?"

"Ah?" Fran only tilted his head to the side in reply.

"Don't ah me!" She scolded her Fran with a punch on his gut, "You should stop destroying the confidences of the girls who were asking for your opinion!"

"But," Fran reasoned out, "They were asking for my opinion and I only gave mine to them."

"Stop being so smart with me." Alice gritted her teeth. The boy only shrug in response and the manager sighed. After calming herself down she looked at Fran and ordered, "Fix this mess."

Fran looked at her weirdly as he asked, "What mess?"

"Ugh." The manager groaned and she explained, "Just give them something to eat, compliment them, and do everything it takes to make them order."

Fran paused before he said, "I should?"

"You should!" Alice shouted "Take care of the damn mess."

"Geez." Fran bluntly comments "Why should I listen to this hag?"

"I am not a hag!" Alice countered with another punch to the gut. She gave him a sick smile and said, "Besides, Fran-kun, I am your manager. Do you want me to report you to Xanxus?"

Fran immediately shook his head out of fear.

"Good." Alice gave another sick smile as she waved, "Off you go then."

* * *

Fran gulped and walked towards the two customers who were still sulking. He cleared his throat and called out, "Mistresses."

"A-ah." Both of them looked up at Fran with a hint of embarrassment and blush on their faces.

He gave them a bored look as he monotonously asked, "Shall I suggest food for you?"

"O-oh." The brunette and the redhead exchanged looks. The redhead spoke up after a while, "Sure."

Fran nodded his head and went to point at something in the menu. He showed it at the two as he said, "I would suggest the Pumpkin French toast and the Strawberry Oatmeal Smoothie for the both of you."

When the two only gave two amazed and blushing nods, Fran explained, "Even if you eat these set, I am sure that you won't get any unnecessary weight at all and you would not have the need to diet or something of the sort."

"Oh!" The brunette brightened up as she spoke, "I'll have that, then."

The redhead gave a nod of agreement as she said, "Me too!"

"Sure." Fran went and bowed, "I will prepare it then, my mistresses."

As soon as Fran left, the two girls were as red as a tomato—no, an apple. The brunette swooned, "Ahh~ He looks so cute~"

"I agree~" The redhead nodded and said, "He was so nice to suggest food for us, too."

"Huh." Fran commented as he walked away from the table, "They said yes even if I suggested expensive foods for them."

* * *

After a while, Fran returned to the table with the food prepared in a tray. He gave them a smile as he said, "I hope that you would enjoy the food, mistresses."

Both girls nodded and asked questions, "Do you have a girlfriend, waiter-san?"

Fran shook his head, "No. I'm single."

The two blushed and continued to eat their food. After a while, the brunette spoke up as she asked Fran, "A-ano. What kind of girl are you interested in?"

"Sweet and kind, I guess." Fran stated with an emotionless look.

"So," The brunette continued to ask, "That's what you look for in a girlfriend?"

"Hm." Fran paused for a while before he answered, "I'm not looking for anything in particular."

The redhead looked at him with surprise, "R-really?"

Fran just shrugged as he explained, "If I like the girl then I'm fine with her personalities and everything about her."

The two girls swooned and returned to eating their food.

As they finished their food and give the payment, they asked Fran, "Can we hug you?"

"Eh?" Fran paused and before he can even give an answer, Alice appeared and answered for him, "Sure, dears."

Fran gave Alice a glare but the girl countered it with a creepy smile that made Fran shudder. The two girls took advantage of the momentary pause and glomped on him.

* * *

Omake

"I'm not being paid enough for this." Fran said with a slight pout as he looked at their manager.

Before anyone can react, Mammon looked at Fran with a disappointed look as he said, "Yare, yare. I thought you were more resilient than that."

Fran looked at Mammon and retorted, "Just because you are a baby, you have the biggest salary among us."

"Mou."

* * *

A/N: So this actually became more of fanservice with crack. LOL. Read, review and subscribe everyone!

On another note, my files got lost... all except 3 chapters of Varia Cafe. Ehehe :D


	3. Dish 3: Bel, princesses and threats

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat. CRACK.

* * *

It was another day of working at the loud and obnoxious Varia Café. There was a group of three girls wearing frilly dresses who just entered the café. However, at the moment, there was no one to welcome them.

Alice looked and sighed. She went to the staff's area and noticed that there was someone who was free.

Who could have welcomed the customers.

She gave a sick smile as she dragged that person by the ear until they are at the counter just after the staff's area. She looked at the boy and gave a sick smile as she asked, "What were you doing, Bel?"

Bel only gave her a Chesire grin as he reasoned out, "I was sleeping, ushishishi."

"Sleeping, eh?" The manager gave another grin, "How about I push your beloved knives down your throat while you sleep?"

"Ushishishi-" Bel stopped midway as he felt himself and looked for beloved knife. His smile faded as he asked Alice, "D-did you get the prince's knifes?"

Alice gave an innocent smile as she said, "Maybe?"

"Maybe…?" Bel twitched and then he screamed, "Give back the prince's beloved knife!"

Alice just gave a creepy smile as she reminded, "Stuffs like that are not allowed inside the café."

"Ushishishi, what a hypocrite." Bel said with his infamous laugh.

"And you're a lazy bastard." Alice said with narrow eyes. She took out a gun and pointed it to Bel's heart as she adds with a sweet smile, "Now go and please the customers, ne?"

Bel just looked at her and turned to the customers commenting, "What a creepy girl, ushishishi."

"I heard that." Alice said in a sickly-sweet tone and Bel just shivered as he walked to the customers.

* * *

The three girls were about to exit the café when Bel went and tapped the three on their shoulders. He gave them a flamboyant bow that royalty uses as he greeted, "Welcome to Varia Café, my princesses."

The three girls gave a unified blush and the first girl with dark blue hair gave him a seductive smile as she said, "Princess?"

"Yep." Bel popped his lips and then said, "I'm a prince so the three of you are my princesses, shishishishi."

The three blushed and then one of the three who had blonde hair asked the prince, "C-can you take us to our seats?"

"Hmm?" A huge grin appeared on Bel's face and he bowed as he said, "Anything for my princesses."

* * *

Bel walked off to an empty seat, the three girls following after him. He stopped at once and said to the three, "This is your table, my princesses."

"Really?" The last girl who had red highlights in her hair asked.

"No, duh." Bel answered with a satisfied grin, "Ushishishishi."

"O-oh." The girl only nodded and said, "Of course."

There was a pause before Bel remembered to give the menu. Pulling out three girly looking menus, he handed it to the three girls, saying, "Here are the menus."

The three only nodded as they all hid their blushes.

After a while, the girl with blue hair spoke up, "I think that I'll have a Banana Chocolate Crème Brulee with a Chocolate Spiral."

"Ushishishi." Bel only grinned as he disagreed, "You should choose Jasmine Tea-infused Cheesecake with Orange-Ginger Glaze."

The girl stared at him as she asked, "Why would I choose that?"

Bel moved his face near the customer's face and he whispered, "Because I'm a prince."

"F-fine." The girl with blue hair said as she blushed and turned beet red while the prince only moved back to his original position with the Chesire grin in his face.

The blonde girl only skimmed through the menu once before she just stared at Bel and asked, "Why don't you suggest something for me?"

"Hm?" Bel tilted his head to the side as he looked at the menu before he suggested, "Death by Chocolate."

The blonde looked at him and asked, "W-what?"

"Ara?" Bel stared at his blonde customer before he spoke, "The prince was only suggesting something from the menu."

The blonde nodded as she looked somewhere else who is not Bel and said, "O-of course. I'm going to take that."

"Shishishishi." The prince only gave a cackle in reply.

"Hm…" The last customer with red highlights said, "I'll have Choco Addiction, then."

"No." Bel shook his head and said, "You're getting a Mango Gateaux."

"W-what?!" The third girl gaped.

"I'm a prince." Bel stated, "So you should listen to me."

She only shook her head as she said, "I'm having a Choco Addiction."

"You dare defy the prince?" Bel moved closer to her. In mere seconds, he placed his face near the girl's as he said, "You are having the Mango Gateaux."

They stayed like that for a while until the girl squeaked out, "O-okay."

"Ushishishi." Bel went back to his original position with a grin on his face. He also suggested the drinks for the girls and bowed before he left, "I'll be back my princesses."

"Kyaaah~" The three girls swooned as Bel stalked off their table.

The first girl gushed, "He was so charming!"

"I know, right?" The second girl nodded her head, "He was like a true prince~"

"U-uhh.." The third girl was still on shock and was still blushing furiously.

The things that Bel can do to the female customers are really terrifying.

* * *

Bel came back at the table, serving each of the girls with practiced grace. He bowed before he said, "The three of you should now eat what the prince served."

The three only nodded their head with excitement and they eat in silence.

After a while, the first girl asked Bel, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Nope." Bel popped his lips as he shook his head.

The three girls gave cheeky smiles to each other. The second girl asked, "What kind of girl do you like, prince-san?"

"Hmm…" Bel shrugged his shoulders, "Nice and adorable girls."

"Ah!" The three girls exchanged glances at each other before they went back to eating it.

* * *

When the girls finished their food and paid their tab, they all looked at Bel with embarrassed and flushed expressions.

Bel tilted his head to the side, "Is there anything you princesses need?"

Looking at each other, the three girls each gave Bel a peck on the cheek and scurried to the exit.

* * *

Omake

Fran mused aloud, "I wonder why Bel-sempai doesn't get arrested."

"What did you say, froggy?" Bel threw a set of knifes on his hat as he gave a mad grin.

"That hurts, sempai." Fran emotionlessly pointed out, "You make sexual harassments to the customers."

"Mou." Mammon went and joined the conversation, "I think it's the other way around, Fran."

"Eh?" Fran innocently tilted his head to the side, "So it's the fake prince who gets harassed?"

"Don't call me fake prince." A set of knifes were thrown once again on Fran's direction "And don't talk like I'm some girl."

"Ara?" Fran stared at Bel, "Aren't you a girl?"

"Brat!"

* * *

A/N: Fanservice is fanservice hahaha but really this chapter is crack because Bel is here! :D

Keep on reviewing everyone! And please favorite and follow as well :)

Review on your requests :D

TRIPLE UPDATE: For the first time in my writing history, I have made a triple update with Re: Mafia High and One Hundred Stupid Things That People Do :D


	4. Dish 4: Squalo, tremors and shark killer

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat. CRACK.

* * *

"VOI!" Squalo shouted-er, greeted, the two girls that arrived in the Varia Café with a loud shout. He was wearing his butler uniform at the time.

The first girl had violet hair and the second girl had blue hair. They both shivered at the volume of the shout and covered their delicate little eardrums.

"VOI!" Squalo looked at them and he greeted, "WELCOME TO VARIA CAFÉ!"

"H-hai…!" The two immediately bowed their heads lowly in fear.

"THEN CUSTOMERS," Squalo offered in a very loud volume of his voice, "SHOULD I TAKE YOU TO YOUR SEATS?"

The girl with violet hair gently held on to her ears as she answered, "P-please do."

"THEN YOU TWO," Squalo ordered-er, requested, the two girls, "FOLLOW ME!"

The two shivered at the volume once again and they followed the shark with mute responses. Squalo stopped at a table and he shouted, "HERE ARE YOUR SEATS, DEAR CUSTOMERS!"

The two nod their heads in response and took a seat. The girl with blue hair gave Squalo a small smile as she gratefully said, "Thanks."

Squalo only puffed his chest in response and shouted in his loudest voice, "NO PROBLEM!"

It was so loud that a tremor struck just because of his loud voice.

Alice appeared in their table with a huge smile. She looked at Squalo and gave him the sweetest smile she can muster, "Squalo-kun, please head to the staff's area immediately."

"WHAT?!" Squalo looked at her in confusion as he shouted his question.

Alice winced at the volume before she turned to the customers and asked, "Can I borrow your waitress for a while?"

The two girls nodded their head and the one with the violet hair squeaked, "S-sure."

"Thank you." Alice bowed and she dragged Squalo off to the staff's area.

* * *

Squalo screamed as soon as the two entered the staff's area, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU DUMB WOMAN?"

"Please, I'm more intelligent than you." Alice retorted before a sick and sweet smile crept up on her face as she said, "And actually, Sharkie, you are the problem?"

"HAA?" Squalo screamed at the top of his lungs in confusion.

And a slight tremor appeared. Again.

Alice pointed to some of the stuffs that were disarranged because of the tremor and she said, "See?"

Squalo looked at her in confusion and asked, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT-"

He was interrupted when Alice threw a knife in his direction with a sick smile on her face. She sighed as she tried to calm herself down and pointed out, "Due to your loud voice, tremors have been happening frequently."

"WHAT DOES THE TREMOR HAVE TO DO WITH THE SHOP?" Squalo asked out loud.

"Because you see," Alice narrowed her eyes as she explained, "Stuffs in the café get messed up and when they do, sometimes these stuffs get broken."

She continued in a dangerous voice, "And when stuffs get broken, they get replace."

Squalo shivered when Alice gave her the sickest smile that has ever appeared on her lips when she finished her explanation, "And the café PAYS for these replacements."

"S-SO?" Squalo stuttered in his effort to be brave and courageous, "WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME?"

"You see," Alice tilted her head to the side and said, "Xanxus told me the last time we had a chat that all things in the café must be Varia Quality."

She continued with a smile, "So all these things in the café, from the furniture to the menus, cost quite a fortune."

"GET TO THE POINT, WOMAN!" Squalo shouted as he twitched.

"Sure." Alice gave him the smile of the century as she informed, "All items that are going to be destroyed because of the tremors will be deducted in your salary."

There was silence before Squalo screamed, "WHAAAAT?!"

There was another tremor and some items got broken in the event. Alice chuckled as she pointed at the broken glasses near them which were destroyed when they fell because of the tremor, "Those items are going to be deducted as well."

Squalo gaped before he protested, "WHAA-"

"Enough," Alice interrupted and she gave him a sick smile, "Xanxus and I have already talked about it."

She added, "Off you go, then."

Squalo walked off and commented under his breath, "DAMN BOSS AND WOMAN!"

A coffee cup was thrown in his direction and when he looked back, Alice gave a wave as she reminded, "I heard that~"

* * *

Squalo went back to his customers and took out two girly looking menu, he cleared his throat as he said, "HE-coughs-Here are the menu, dear customers."

The two looked at Squalo before they took it and said, "T-thanks."

Squalo just nodded as he tried his very best not to shout. As the two were still picking out there orders, Squalo thought, 'THAT DAMN BOSS AND THAT DAMN MANAGER! THEY'RE GOING TO MASSACRE MY WALLET IF EVERYTHING THEY BUY IS VARIA QUALITY AND I HAVE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING THAT IS REPLACED!"

"Ne," The blue haired girl glanced at Squalo as she said, "I want to have Grilled Chicken Salad."

"NOT-cough-noted, dear customer," Squalo nodded his head and then he asked, "How about your drinks?"

"Hmm…" The girl looked at the menu before she gave a careless shrug and placed her order, "Caramel Macchiato."

Squalo nodded as he wrote down the orders. He turned around as he asked, "WHAT-cough-what about you?"

After a while the one with the violet hair squeaked out, "…I-I want to have this Shark Fillet…"

Squalo gaped and he turned his attention from the girl to the menu back to the girl again and he screamed, "DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST SHARKS, YOU WOMAN?!"

The girl winced and then she pointed to the menu before she tearfully muttered, "B-but, t-the menu have S-shark F-fillet at it."

Squalo glared at the girl before he shouted, "THERE ARE NO SHARKS THAT ARE GOING TO BE KILLED HERE IN THIS CAFÉ AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE!"

There was another round of silence before another series of tremor hit.

There was an ominous laugh from somewhere in the counter and Squalo cleared his throat as he asked, "JUST-cough-just place another order, dear customer."

"O-okay." The violet haired girl nodded her head and she said, "I-I'll just be taking the same ones that m-my friend ordered."

"NOTED." Squalo said and he stalked off to the kitchen to start his work.

* * *

Squalo went back and handed the food to the customers. The two girls ate in silence and all was well.

Out of fear of the currently enraged shark commander, the two finished their food in record time and silence.

As they stood up, Squalo bowed and said, "PLEASE COME AGAIN!"

He narrowed his eyes to the violet haired girl though as he muttered, "SHARK KILLER."

The violet girl winced as she and the blue haired girl exited the café.

* * *

Omake

"VOI!" Squalo went and protested in the staff area that day, "WHY ARE THERE SHARKS IN THE MENU?"

"Yare, yare." Mammon only shook his head at the commander's silliness.

"Don't be like that Squ-chan~" Lussuria tried to reason out with him as he explained, "There are peacocks and frogs and snakes as well but no one else protests."

"Listen to Lussuria-sempai." Fran bluntly pointed out, "At least they aren't killing your shark, commander."

"VOII!" Squalo pointed at Bel's direction, "THEN WHY AREN'T THEY KILLING MINKS TOO?"

"Because," Bel gave him a creepy grin, "Minks are expensive and only royalty can have them ushishishishi."

"WHAT?!"

* * *

A/N: This is the crackiest chapter in my opinion LOL Squalo.

Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and subscribed last chapter :D

Please continue to read, review and subscribe! :)


	5. Dish 5: Mammon, babies, and payments

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat. CRACK.

* * *

It was another normal and peaceful day at the café. Two girls arrived, one with curly black hair and another with straight brown hair.

"Uwaaah!" The one with black hair cried happily as she pointed at Mammon who was floating and was wearing a butler costume.

The other girl tilted her head to the side and gave a happy grin as she said, "He's so cuuute!"

Mammon noticed the disruptions so he went to the two girls. He bowed and greeted, "Welcome to Varia Café."

"U-um…" The two girls gasped and were too mesmerized with Mammon's cuteness and were not able to talk properly for a while.

"Yare, yare." Mammon shook his head in exasperation. With a polite smile, it was for business, he asked the two girls, "Do you ladies want me to take you to your seats?"

The two girls blushed at Mammon's cute and mature way of talking and the girl with black hair nodded her head as she said, "Please do."

"Follow me then, ladies." Mammon said and he floated towards the seat slowly so that the two can catch up to him.

Mammon stopped at a particular seat and he said with a bow, "Please take a seat."

"A-ah. Yes." The two take their seat, still gushing at Mammon's cuteness.

Mammon ignored the blush present at the two girls' faces as he took out two girly menus and handed them to the girls, "These are the menus, ladies."

The two girls took the menus with a smile on their faces and took their time with picking out their dishes. Mammon only waited politely as the two took their time.

Half an hour passed and they were still taking their sweet time. Mammon looked at them and asked with the most polite tone he can muster, "Do you ladies want me to help you pick your dishes?"

The one with brown hair gave him a thankful smile as she said, "That would be helpful."

'Not for your wallet. I'm going to get the two of you the most expensive ones on the menu' Mammon thought to himself while giving a polite smile to the two, 'I wonder if I can ask the manager to give me a tip for this.'

He tilted his head cutely to the side before he suggested, "How about the Molten Flourless Dark Chocolate Cake?"

"Is it delicious?!" The one with black curls asked Mammon with a excited grin.

"Of course it is." Mammon said with a grin, "Most of the ingredients in the Molten Flourless Dark Chocolate Cake are taken in the tropics."

"Wow~" The brown haired girl gushed. She looked at Mammon with a smile as she asked, "How about our drinks?"

He took one look at the menu and spotted the most expensive one on the list, "You can choose either Bittersweet Hot Chocolate or Siphon Coffee."

"Ara?" The black haired girl tilted her head to the side as she asked, "What is this Siphon Coffee?"

"It's coffee with ingredients taken from the Arctic." Mammon explained with a sly grin, "If you order that one, you can ask me to make it right before your eyes."

The two girls brightened up at that and excitedly asked, "Really?!"

"Yes." Mammon nodded his head, "but you would need to pay for the tip."

The two girls exchanged looks and then they turned to Mammon with a grin as they said, "Just add it in our tabs."

A sly smile made its on Mammon's lips as he bowed and left, "Then I should prepare your food first, ladies."

"Sure!" The black haired girl chirped, "Take your time~"

* * *

"Ara?" Alice gave Mammon a curious look as the little baby entered the staff's area. When she saw that the Arcobaleno was having a positive energy around him a sly smirk formed on the manager's lips and then she asked, "Aren't you happy, Mammon-kun?"

"Hm." The male only nodded. After a slight contemplation on his part, he looked up at his manager as he asked, "Can I get a 60-40 share on this one?"

"Ara?" Alice looked at Mammon with a smile as she asked, "What are you saying?"

Mammon stared at her as he said, "I made them buy the two most expensive things in the menu. I should be given a share on that part."

"Hmm." Alice paused as she thought about it. She shook her head for a while, "How about 70-30?"

Mammon stared incredulously at his manager. The girl is way too greedy for a normal person. He thought it over for a while, 'It's a small percentage… but the manager never shares her profits before anyway.'

"Stop thinking mean things about me." The manager said with a small pout. She chuckled at the surprise expression on Mammon's face as she said, "I'll give you a percentage you greedy baby."

Mammon looked at her with a slight pout, "Mou."

"Besides," Alice narrowed her eyes as she stared at Mammon, "You'll have the tip for the Siphon Coffee, right?"

Mammon only nodded with a sly smile on his face. After a while he said, "They asked me to put the tip in the tab."

Alice only paused with shock before she looked at the customers' tab. She gave a small smile as she looked at the large amount of payment they would have to pay. She chuckled, "As usual, you ask for the highest tips."

"It's business." Mammon only shrugged as he returned to his work.

* * *

"Here it is." Mammon said as he gently placed the tray with food on the table. He looked at the two before he asked, "Should I prepare the Siphon Coffee?"

The two girls gave cheery smiles as they nodded, "Please do!"

Mammon nodded his head and went to work. He used his illusions at times when he was preparing to quicken up the process of making the coffee in front of them.

The two were completely mesmerized and Mammon finished his job for a few minutes.

He tilted his head to the side as he announced, "The coffee is done."

The two took the coffee with huge smiles and ate the food in considerable silence.

As the black-haired girl was finishing up her food, she turned her attention to Mammon and asked, "Why are you working in this café?"

Mammon only shrugged as he answered, "The café gives large salaries."

"Wow!" The brown haired girl gushed, "So hardworking at such a young age!"

There was another pause and the two finally finished their food. Mammon cleaned up the table and returned with their tab.

"A-ah?!" The black hair girl widened her eyes as she saw the amount on their tab "How did we end up with $10000?!"

Mammon only tilted his head cutely to the side as the two forked over the payment. He bowed at the two sulking girls as he said, "Thank you and please come again, ladies."

* * *

Omake

"Ushishishishi." Bel gave a creepy laugh as he went to his partner.

Mammon only continued counting his money as he asked, "What are you doing, Bel?"

Bel gave his trademark Chesire grin as he said, "I heard that you got a percentage of your customer's tab, Mammy~"

The others in the room gave surprised expressions but Mammon only ignored it as he went back to counting his money.

"Yare, yare."

* * *

A/N: Mammy is such a best-seller! Though he kills your wallets. Oh well /winks

Keep on reviewing everyone! And please favorite and follow as well :)

Oh right, a few more chapters and the specials will start ;) What specials? It's a secret~

Drop a review and give the butlers some cookies~


	6. Dish 6: Luss-neechan, bishies and number

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat. CRACK.

* * *

A group of three teenagers entered the cafe one sunny morning.

"Welcome to Alice-chan and Luss-neechan's bishie paradise!"

A flamboyant female, er, male shouted as he gestured to the other workers. He winked at the girls and spinned in his frilly maid costume.

Someone cleared her throat. Said someone gave a smile that can give you cavities as she tugged on the female, er, male's maid costume and tilted her head innocently to side as she asked, "Can I borrow Luss-neechan for a while?"

The three stunned girls nodded their heads dumbly as they saw the cross-dresser being dragged in the kitchen's area.

* * *

"Dear me," Lussuria immediately checked Alice's forehead as soon as the duo arrived in the staff area. He tilted his head to the side and remarked, "You aren't sick, Alice-chan? Why did you call for Luss-neechan, ah?"

"Lussuria."

Alice frowned when the other pouted and she cleared her throat, sighing tiredly.

"Luss-neechan."

Lussuria giggled with obvious moe-moe effects and she, errr, he tilted his head to the side as he asked, "What is it, Alice-chan?"

Alice stared at her with obvious exasperation. When the Varia Sun Guardian just stared back, the girl sighed again and she reminded, "What did I tell you last time?"

Lussuria giggled flamboyantly as he outrageously guessed, "You love Fran-chan?"

A cup was thrown in her direction flawlessly. The manager of the cafe gritted her teeth as a dangerous aura seeped through her surroundings.

"I do not love the frog. Or anyone else for that matter."

Lussuria's eyes widen beneath his sunglasses and Alice calmed down, clearing her throat in the process. She gave a small huff as she corrected, "It wasn't that."

"Oh, I see!" Lussuria's lips formed into a large smile as she, er he waved his hands in obvious excitement, "The talk about the boss?"

There was silence as Alice's eyes widened and a victorious smile fell on Lussuria's lips. His hopes were shattered like glass immediately after.

"No."

"It's this." Alice gave another tired sigh as she explained, "This is Varia Cafe, not Alice-chan and Luss-neechan's bishie paradise."

"Oh."

"I don't get whatever that title is for but remember to say that it's Varia Cafe when you welcome the customers," Alice eyes turned cold as she continued her reminder, "Luss-neechan, you are not allowed in any way or manner to make a major mistake in the greeting."

"Ah." Lussuria looked at Alice with an obvious down expression as he apologized, "Sorry, Alice-chan."

"It's fine." A small smile formed on Alice's lips and she shook her head and had a gentle look in her eyes, "Besides, I'm sure that you're the most capable among everyone else."

Lussuria was tearful at that and he glomped the young girl wholeheartedly, "Alice-chaaaaan!"

"There are customers waiting," Alice reminded as she gently pulled off Lussuria's hands. As the older male nodded and walked off, Alice gave a small wave.

"Off you go then, Lussuria-neechan."

* * *

"Welcome to Varia Cafe!"

Luss greeted the three girls with brimming energy. He cooed on them, "You are cute little girls!"

"T-thanks." The blonde one looked down as pink tinted her cheeks.

"No problem, no problem," Lussuria gestured and then exclaimed, "Follow Luss-nee and I'll take you to your seats."

The four stopped at a random seat and Lussuria took out a very girly looking menu, he handed it to the three.

"Sit down and pick from the menu, you wonderful onee-chans~"

The three nodded and this time it was the second one, a girl with brunette hair, who voiced out, "Thank you."

Lussuria smiled and waited patiently as the three murmured with each other, comparing their choices.

"I'll have a chiffon cake~" The third girl who had dark ash hair exclaimed.

"I see." Lussuria noted it down on his girly little notebook and tilted his head to the other two's directions, "How about the other nee-chans?"

"I'll take a Red Velvet." The brunette curtly chose as she gave a polite smile.

The blonde gave a small smile as she spoke in her gentle voice, "I'll have a Cookie Butter."

"Sure~" Lussuria beamed and he looked at three all at once, "How about your drinks, my sweethearts?"

They all glanced at each other and the ash-haired girl smiled, "We want you to choose it for us, Luss-neechan."

Lussuria beamed with pride and nodded, giving the three a sweet smile. He bowed and took off, humming a girly tune as he walked off.

* * *

"Here it is~"

Lussuria placed the three different meals in front of the three different customers. She, ugh, he smiled at them.

The three ate in silence and the brunette spoke up, breaking it.

"This place has a lot of butlers."

Lussuria smiled at that and he giggled, looking at the three as he exclaimed, "Majority of them are hot males~"

The three simultaneously blushed and Lussuria continued on, "You see, four of those are especially hot~"

When he saw the obvious interests in the three's faces, he pointed out, "That little cute boy there is Fran-chan."

The brunette blushed deeply but it wasn't given much thought as Lussuria once again pointed out, "That adorable baby there is Mammon-chan."

This time, the blonde blushed and Lussuria added, "He may look like an adorable baby now but he is really handsome in his adult form~"

When the three sent curious looks, Lussuria just gave a wink and pointed to the third boy, "That one is Bel-chan, he's a real life prince to all of you cute girls."

The one with the ash hair blushed deeply and Lussuria pointed his hand to the last figure, "Then there's Squ-chan~ He's a tsundere~"

The three blushed simultaneously and the one with the ash hair spoke up, "Can we have their number?"

"Not yet~" Lussuria winked and he explained, "If you three visit the cafe a lot of times, Luss-neechan will give it~"

The three nodded and stood up as they leave. Lussuria waved as she, er he called out, "Come back again~"

The three nodded. That is their intention, they'll visit the cafe repeatedly just to get the numbers and maybe, just maybe, snag a date on one of the fabulous butlers of the Varia Cafe.

* * *

Omake

Mammon narrowed his eyes as he said, "There had been a round of calls from random girls in my phone."

"You too, Mammy?" Bel stared at his partner and mused, "Even the prince received fifty calls yesterday."

"You too, senpai?" Fran appeared and commented, "My phone has been buzzing non-stop."

"VOI! WHY ARE ALL THESE RANDOM GIRLS CALLING?!"

Lussuria giggled as he passed by.

* * *

A/N: So now, everyone knows that Luss-neechan is a good maid. Lol.

Read, review and subscribe, my dear sweethearts!

Lots of love to everyone~


	7. Dish 7: Levi, good services and boss

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat. CRACK.

* * *

"Welcome to Varia Cafe!"

Levi's voice boomed as he greeted two girls who entered the cafe. The first girl had deep red hair and the other had grey hair.

He was ignored at first and the two girls continued to look around. Levi dedicatedly repeated his greetings.

"Welcome to Varia Cafe!"

They gaped at the man who was wearing a butler costume and cursed their luck.

They wanted to have Prince Belphegor as their butler and if not him, then either one of the adorable kids, Fran or Mammon would do.

Levi didn't notice the sullen atmosphere surrounding the two girls, and if he did, he ignored it. He bowed once and spoke.

"I will take you customers to your seats."

The two girls exchanged glances and both gave resigned sighs. The first one with the red hear just gave a strained smile, "Please do."

Levi nodded his head and walked off to a particular table. Gesturing for both girls to sit down, he took a girly menu and handed it to each of them.

"Please take your time, dear customers."

The two dumbly nodded their heads and chatted with each other, comparing their choices.

They took a long while and the red head finally ordered, "Can I have some Brown Sugar Macchiato and a Chocolate Waffle?"

"If that is what the customers wish." Levi curtly nodded his head as he politely responded.

"Then," The girl with the grey hair spoke up as she placed her orders, "I want to have a Black Forest and a Strawberry Smoothie."

He nodded as he took note of the orders in a girly notebook. He sent another curt nod their way as he bowed and stated, "Then I should start working on the customer's orders."

He walked off and the two girls exchanged glance. The red haired female cleared her throat as she commented, "That was... Interesting."

"Yeah." Her companion nodded as both of them continue to stare at the old man's direction. She voiced out, "He wasn't especially pleasing to the eye like Prince Belphegor, Fran and baby Mammon..."

They exchanged glances and the red haired girl finished the statement for her, "But he has good serving skills."

* * *

"Wow."

Alice spoke up when Levi walked inside the kitchen. The girl's hand was placed under her chin, another hand lazily stirring a coffee.

Levi stopped to look around and see if the words were for someone who wasn't him. Thinking that it wasn't him, he had always been ignored anyways, he continued on and prepared his customers' dishes.

Alice twitched. She, the hail and almighty manager of the Varia Cafe, got ignored by Levi, the one who was always ignored no less. She cleared her throat and moved towards where the Lightning guardian was and opened her mouth.

"You're actually..." Alice paused as she thinks of a word that can voice out her mangled thoughts, "Efficient."

"Of course." Some sort of sparkles were present in Levi's eyes as he proudly declared, "This is all for the boss!"

Alice smiled when she thought that it was for her but then realized that it was for the spoiled son of the Ninth. She blanched and she muttered, "What a loyalty."

"Of course." Levi puffed out his chest with pride and he beamed, "I have done a lot of things just to please the boss."

"I didn't want to work as a butler for a cafe," Levi stated without waiting for the manager to react, "but if the boss has asked me too, then I would work."

Alice nodded her head and noticed that the older man had finished his preparation and pointed it out, "Your costumers' meals are already done."

Levi nodded and took both combinations of meals and drinks as he went off, humming something along the lines of, "The boss is great, the boss is the boss."

Alice widened her eyes despite the fact that she was already used to the assassination squad's weird and extreme tendencies. Shaking her head as she saw the last of Levi's figure in the kitchen, she muttered, "How loyal. He's crazy and insane but I guess you have to give props for his loyalty."

* * *

"Here are the customers' orders." Levi informed as he placed the meals on the customers' table.

There was a slight silence and the two began eating, taking in the savor taste of the food and commenting about it between bites. When the two were halfway-finished, the red head spoke up, "Since when have you worked here?"

There was a silence before Levi spoke up and disclosed, "It's been half a year since we started working at the cafe."

"Ah." The girl with grey hair lightened up and she curiously asked, "Are you close with the hot butlers here?"

"Hot butlers?" Despite himself, even Levi felt the need to throw up. Not that he did, though, because throwing up is a sign of disgrace and committing a disgraceful act will not please the boss.

And of course, Levi's goal in life is probably to please the boss and worship the ground he moves on.

Both customers deeply blushed and the grey-haired girl elaborated, "I mean..."

She paused as she gestured at little Fran and Prince Belphegor, her cheeks tinted pink the whole time she did the gesture.

"We live in the same mansion." That was the closest thing to an answer that Levi could disclose.

The two girls squealed and they asked, their eyes shining, "Can you give us any sort of souvenir from them?!"

Levi only shrugged and blankly answered, "Maybe."

The two girls stood up and left with beaming energy, but not before bidding, "We'll visit the cafe again!"

Levi smiled and thought, 'Did I do well, boss?'

* * *

Omake

Levi was humming a weird tune the whole time in the staff area.

"Levi~" Lussuria tilted her, er his head to the side, "What are you humming?"

"A hymn for the boss."

The other three in the room stared at the Lightning Guardian and Bel blenched, "Pervert."

"Bel-sempai, everything you say doesn't connect whatsoever."

A set of knives were thrown in a certain frog's direction.

* * *

A/N: Here's the lates update sweethearts! I'm not sure if you guys found this chapter but I kind of did. And I lessen the Levi-torturing. O.O

Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and/or subscribe this story. Please continue to do so :)

I looooove you guys!

Drop by a review and desserts for our butlers and maid!


	8. Dish 8: Xanxus, meetings and sadist

Welcome to Varia Café!

Summary: Welcome to the Varia Café! A cute baby, cheeky frog, sadistic prince, loud shark, outrageous crossdresser, perverted old man and a boss, what a wonderful place! Stop by and take a seat.

* * *

There was a semi-tense atmosphere in the closed café. Five males, a female and an unidentified one sat on the scattered stools of the café. The first male, a blonde boy with a tiara, yawned sleepily as he perched one arm over the counter. The second one, an apathetic teal eyed boy, was staring boredly at the scene with a blank expression on his face. The third one, a baby, was hovering in his seat with a milkshake in hand. The fourth one had long, silky hair and was craning his neck to see a better view.

Was there a fifth one…? Oh, there is.

The fifth one was in the corner, ignored. The person with an unidentified sexual orientation was the closest to the female in terms of distance, giggling happily at intervals. All of them wore casual attire unlike their usual butler costumes, or a maid costume for one.

"VOI!" Squalo shouted ever so loudly as he stood from his seat and complained, "What are we doing here in our day-off?"

"Sit down," Alice, the redhead manager, politely requested as she threw a cup right at Squalo's face which shattered at the impact. Ignoring the raging expression on the shark's face, she looked at everyone else and explained, "Before any of you idiots, not you Luss-neechan, complain like what Squalo did, I want to tell everyone that this isn't my idea. At all."

"And you're thinking that we're going to believe that?" Fran emotionlessly commented as he bored his teal eyes. He tilted his head to the side and then he added, "You're an old hag whose only concern is to torture us."

"Please shut up and I am not old," This time another cup was thrown, in the frog's direction that is. She gave a sickly dangerous smile as her eyes narrowed and she announced, "This was Xanxus' idea."

She looked at everyone and then she added, "And I do know that everyone knows what happens when Xanxus gets angry."

There was several shivers here and there and Squalo shouted, "THAT DAMN SPOILED-"

Bam. The infamous Squalo-quake arrived and disrupted the scene, making some of the glassware in the café shatter.

"Hahaha!" A maniacal and ominous laugh was heard as Alice shook on her head. She pointed to the broken items and listed it in some notebook, as she amusedly said, "You'll be paying for all these broken items."

Belphegor gave out his trademark laugh, right on cue, "Ushishishi."

"Oh well." Alice motioned her hand and then she beckoned everyone else, "Come closer."

"Why?"

"Because I said so." Alice answered, her sickly smile directed at Fran.

"Mou." Mammon just nodded and then he hovered to a place nearer to the manager. Fran almost pouted but complied when she threw a cup on his direction. Squalo was also going to protest but was stopped when a plate was about to be thrown at him and the only reason while he probably complied was because the angle was directed at his hair.

Levi went closer as he muttered things that are of no importance and Lussuria propped herself, er, himself to get a better view. Belphegor, in all his royal glory, stood up and slouched just before he threw himself at a nearby seat and better access to the conversation. There was slight silence and the blond prince broke it, "Ushishishishi~"

Alice pointedly ignored the usual creepiness of the grinning prince and instead took out a small whiteboard from nowhere and cleared her throat, "We're starting our meeting now."

"Eh?" Fran monotonously asked in his trademark tone. He stared at the redhead manager and bluntly pointed out, "Haven't we already started our meeting a moment ago?"

"That wasn't official." Alice answered as she waved a dismissive hand. She paused before she looked at everyone and stated, "The agenda for today is planning ideas for the betterment of the café, as proposed by Xanxus."

"That shitty boss!" Squalo protested, though his voice was a little softer as usual-that is if his voice can get soft. He puffed and pointed out, "HE HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING FOR THIS HELLHOLE OF A PLACE!"

A slight tremor took place and the manager only gave out a humorless and creepy laugh as she informed the others, "First of all, this place should never be called a hellhole or anything that is relatively closed to that word or else I would personally make each of you suffer. The other thing is that Xanxus doesn't need to work because it's you guys who're taking his place."

There were some stunned silence but before the others can even respond, Alice clapped her hands and then cupped her chin as she said, "So, does anyone have any ideas for events or something of the sort for the place?"

"I do~" Luss raised his hand and then gave a giddy smile as she, er he, suggested, "How about a crossdressing week, ne, Alice-chan?"

"VOIIII-"

"Sure." A smirk formed on Alice's lips as the others grimaced and she noted the suggestion down.

"How about a week of day-off?" Fran emotionlessly suggested.

While some of the lazier of the group smiled, the manager only smiled creepily as she shoot the suggestion down, "No."

"Hmm," Mammon floated on his chair as he took a sip of his strawberry milkshake as he said, "How about a theme for a week?"

"Hm?" Alice gave him a small and genuine smile as she inquired, "What kind of theme?"

"Mou," Mammon gave a small shrug, "It depends on you."

The redhead manager only sent another smile as she noted it down and she muttered, "Good thing that I have Mammon and Luss-neechan or else all I'll be having are a group of idiots."

"VOIII!" Squalo stood up to protest but was interfered by the manager's voice.

"Protest again and I'll make eating sharks be a theme for a week."

Squalo's eyes widened as he heard the statement and crossed his hands as he muttered, "SHARK-KILLER."

"The prince has an idea." Belphegor spoke up as he lazily looked at the manager.

"Which is?"

He gave his trademark Chesire grin and he asked, "How about some kind of killing theme, eh?"

There was a hint of smile on the manager's face as she noted it down, "I'll think about it."

"Ne, ne, Alice-chaaan~" Lussuria giggled as she,er he called the girl.

Said girl tilted her head to the side in question as her eyes met with Lussuria's and she asked, "What is it, Luss-neechan?"

"How about making a surprise visit to the customers, ne~"

"What?" A deadpan voice monotonously protested.

"VOIII!" Another one yelled in protest as a slight tremor took over the place.

"What?" A humorless grin appeared on a certain member of the royal family.

"Mou." The little infant only drank his milkshake in response.

The perverted old man with a moustache was going to say something as well but as usual, he was ignored.

A hint of a smile appeared on Alice lips as she nodded her head, "Sure, sure."

She took some other notes and then she smiled to herself, an insanely dangerous aura covering her as she laughed maniacally, "Oh, all of these would be soooo much fun."

The butlers shivered and then they gulped while they looked on to their insane manager. She stood up and kept her notebook somewhere and then she said, "I'll be talking over the plan with your boss, got it?"

Without even waiting for any reaction, she added, "We'll be having a new kind of service on your next work day."

And with that, she left with a sickly happy smile and left an ominous atmosphere for the others.

* * *

Omake

The widely-known boss of the popular and famed assassination squad looked through on the files with a bored gaze as he skimmed through the papers and his eyes stopped on a particular page and he called out, "Woman."

The redhead manager immediately straightened up as she asked, "Yes?"

He roughly gave the piece of paper and he said, "This will be the next theme, understand, trash?"

"I'm not trash," Alice pointed out with a twitch. After that, her eyes fell to the piece of paper and as it scanned the paper, she muttered with a slight smirk on her face, "You really like torturing them, don't you?"

"Hm."

* * *

Omake 2

"Why, why am I always ignored?" Levi said in an almost perfect expression of despair. Almost.

Fran contemplated on noticing him and then he harshly but monotonously pointed out, "Because you look ugly."

"Why?" Levi shook his head and he protested, "I was a lady-killer in my time…!"

Bel gave his trademark laugh, Mammon even stopped counting his money for a while and Lussuria giggled. Squalo, however, was louder in expressing his surprise, "VOIII! DON'T BE DELUSIONAL!"

Another tremor appeared and plates and cups fell towards Levi's direction and shattered upon impact.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry if it's been a month since I last updated but that's because I've been preparing for the transition of the second part of the story. I bet that you guys think that it would be Xanxus' chapter, but no. xD Xanxus is too bad-ass to work lol. Weekly updates will return after this one and please review on what you kind of events you might want to see in the next chapters, though I already have something planned for the second part of Varia Cafe. *silly grins*

Thank you for all your support, loves, and please keep reviewing, reading and subscribing.

Lots of love to you all :*


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